Kevin Life Tips are useful pieces of advice given by Kevin during his videos. They are numbered and always written, never said out loud. They generally appear on the green screen behind Kevin.
The "Kevin Life Tip" series originated from one of Kevin's VR gaming videos (citation needed), in which an "Awkward Personality Typ of the Day" was teased in text form while he was facing his green screen. Later on, Kevin's video editors decided to expand upon this concept, starting to introduce a semi-consistent tip counter into some of his videos. There are currently 89 life tips, 1 quarantine tip, 1 death tip, 1 salvage tip, 1 Rooby Roo rife tip, 1 life lesson, 1 weird scientist guy life tip, and 1 Kevin's fire safety lesson, along with 5 1st day tips, 8 workout tips, 4 dad tips, and 4 business tips. Each is equally extremely wise.
Tips list Edit
#0: I've got nothing. You're on your own with this. (Takeshi's Castle was like a wild fever dream)
#1: Cry in the shower. (Sims 4 but I bring my cursed child back to life)
#2: Always be angry. Filled to the brim with hate. (The WEIRD Xbox 360 game that put you into movies)
#3: Never pay for labor when you have free child labor. (Irish Family Swap was a HUGE mistake)
#11: Always check your friends [sic] feet. (Irish Renovation shows were a huge mistake)
#12: When life gives you a river. Jump in it. (Creature Street is like animal crossing but with a serial killer)
#15: Everyone is a dead starfish sometimes. (spongebob rehydrated)
#19: All puns are good. Unlike fecking soup. Soup can go to Hell. (Escapists 2 but I escape in the worst way possible)
#22: Never walk in a stranger's piss. (Sims 4 but I kidnap sims to lock in my vault)
#26: If you don't have customers you don't have to work. (I ran out of games in quarantine so I let a random game picker choose)
#27: A job done poorly is still done. (Hitman 2 but I stop a virus in the worst way possible)
#32: If you say it's not a confession they can't use it as one. (Lakeview Valley rewards me for being a serial killer)
#45: Always support your friends. Even when they are trying to murder you. (Saints Row but it's a horrible unreleased PSP game)
#62: When life gives you piss make a nice pillow. (Sims 4 but I breed the worst sims ever)
#66: It takes evil to know evil. (Scooby Doo but it's a weird PS2 game)
#73: Fish can and will kill you anywhere anytime. (Hitman 2 but I kill everyone on the map)
#77: Always lock your problems away. Deep deep deep deep deep inside. (Sims 4 but I force sims into quarantine)
#82: Always take care of those closest to you first. (Bitlife but I become a criminal mastermind)
#91: Even the dead need encouragement. (Ruining the lives of other Irish YouTubers in Terraria)
#94: Always say they've got the wrong guy. (My Sims is an extremely cursed sims game)
#99: Lie to yourself so others will believe the lie you believe. (My Sim deserves a YouTube play button and here is why)
#103: Dead friends make the best friends. (Bitlife but I become a criminal mastermind)
#112: Admit to a worse crime to cover another crime. (RollerCoaster Tycoon 3 but everyone in my park dies)
#173: Anything is paper if you're not a coward. (Half Life Alyx VR but it's better than real life)
#321: Sometimes you gotta make the shit you have into better shit because it's better than no shit. (Tomodachi Life is both the weirdest and best game ever)
#440: Anytime [sic] can be morning if you're tired enough. (A puzzle game that turns you into a SERIAL KILLER)
#457: Assume all unknown things are demons. (Lakeview Valley but I kill every villager on the map)
#500: If you skip getting vaccines you can finally be all alone. (Bitlife but I live in quarantine)
#715: Always get other people to check your bank fraud. (Quarantine means no socializing so I played board games with myself)
#808: Always have a 2nd family in case you get tired of your 1st family. (Sims 4 but I repopulate the world in the worst way)
#843: When life gives you rocks. Make therapy. (Takeshi's Castle was like a wild fever dream)
#870: Never do a hard thing when an easy thing can be done instead of the hard. (Bitlife but I live in quarantine)
#900: Don't even try to know yourself then others can't either. (Hearthstone but it's the battle of the Irish)
#909: Dead strangers can't make you feel anxious. (Lakeview Valley but I kill every villager on the map)
#911: Embrace your inner quarantine look. (Hardcore Minecraft is both a horrible and fantastic experience)
#974: If you're ashamed of something just say its [sic] complicated. (CallMeKevin radio - horrible beats to relax/quarantine to)
#999: Testing is for cowards. (RollerCoaster Tycoon 3 but everyone in my park dies )
#1200: Save a life. Punt a baby. (Sims 4 but I force sims into quarantine)
#1250: Stay immortal by whining at death when it comes for you. (cube world)
#1253: It's not nice to lie - the 2.38 million youtuber CallMeKevin (Playing Interactive Fan Fiction about myself)
#1469: Make up fun sayings with your enemies [sic] names so you can't ever forget them. (Love Island Mobile Game might be the worst dating game of all time)
#1550: Never ask if you're stupid. Wait is it your or you're? Someone help I don't know. (cube world)
#1596: If you have to say you have a life. You dont [sic]. (tomodachi life)
#1643: Having a baby with an old man can save your marriage. (Sims 4 but Eco Lifestyle was a bad idea)
#1648: Can't get mugged without your consent! Just say no! (Minecraft Dungeons but I'm not the hero this game wants me to be)
#1700: Jelly is just chunky fruit soup. Destroy it. (spongebob rehydrated)
#1718: Keep your enemies close and your friends in jail. (I may be the worst pirate to ever sail the Sea of Thieves)
#1824: Chase your dreams. Burn all the crane ladders in life. (Sims 4 but Eco Lifestyle was a bad idea)
#1826: Furnaces are for food. You're not food even if you are a snack. (This game sent me to SPACE for hard labour)
#1834: It's only a fetish if you admit its [sic] a fetish. (My Tomodachi Life cinematic universe is insane)
#1841: Project your deep seeded fears onto other [sic] to feel better about yourself. (Ooblets but I am a strange old man)
#1846: Keep your friends close and your meals closer. (I went to space and just let all my crew die)
#1849: Steal your friends [sic] gold bar stash. (Tomodachi Life made me have an existential crisis)
#1850: Change your sponge's underwear | No one likes dirty dishes. (spongebob rehydrated)
#1851: And they would be just as well loved. Adopted familys [sic] are still familys [sic]. (These dad mobile games are terrifying)
#1869: Soup is just evil water. (I went to space and just let all my crew die)
#1880: Spittoons are just adult kinder eggs. (West of Loathing but I might be the worst stick cowboy ever)
#1885: Cars make amazing alarm clocks! (Irish Shark Tank was a huge mistake)
#1892: Use words that sound good even if you don't know the meaning. Just hope for the best. (Ooblets but I am a strange old man)
#1895: [Static Noises] (Saints Row but it's a horrible unreleased PSP game)
#1896: Call yourself a hazard instead of a waste. (This game sent me to SPACE for hard labour)
#1903: Sometimes dying is winning. (miitopia)
#1917: Set the bar low so you can just step over it. (Ooblets but I am a strange old man)
#1920: Anyone can become an alcoholic if you just put your mind into it. (Irish Renovation shows were a huge mistake)
#1923: Just snap your fingers a lot to small talk. (Tomodachi Life made ma have an existential crisis)
#1927: Anything is food if you're not a coward. (Prison Artichect but I trapped everyone on an island)
#1927.1: Use your children as way [sic] to get attention from your friends. (Sims 4 but I rob my neighbors homes)
#1928: A good pun is like bread. It should rise to the occasion. (miitopia)
#1935: Curiosity will kill your sponges. (spongebob rehydrated)
#1941: Hurt your friends to keep them from hurting themselves (Grounded: a survival game in your own backyard)
#1943: Do not test Kevin. He is always ready. He is always waiting. (Hardcore Minecraft is both a horrible and fantastic experience)
#1954: People are the real monsters. We all wear false faces to hide the darkness within. (Scooby Doo but it's a weird PS2 game)
#1962: Never be happy for others even if they are you. (Quarantine means no socializing so I played board games with myself)
#1963: Hey gurl its [sic] been forver [sic]. How have you been? Have you ever wanted to own your own business? Be your own boss? (Wii Help Wanted but I should be fired immediately)
#1966: Never pick a fight with something that has legs. (Grounded: a survival game in your own backyard)
#1969: There is no moon. (Classic Cod Zombies but it's 2020)
#1986: Never trust a company that will hire you. (Wii Help Wanted but I should be fired immediately)
#1990: always have a plan to get rid of the body (Do NOT play this game if you have a fear of spiders)
#1993: kevin [sic] always wins. (unless its [sic] mario kart) (Do NOT play this game if you have a fear of spiders)
#1998: Be a farmer, crops will save us from asteroids. I saw it in my Facebook group so I know it's true. (Wii Help Wanted but I should be fired immediately)
#2000: Vibrate on your enemies for an easy victory. (Tomodachi Life is completely cursed)
#2004: When corned [sic] by the Tommy don't move. It's [sic] vision is based on movement. (Tommy Wiseau has a YouTube gaming show and it is wild)
#2009: Never let your friends know if you're telling the truth. Keep them off blanace [sic]. (Saints Row but it's a horrible unreleased PSP game)
#2011: Take pride in your victories | Even meaningless hollow ones. (Fall Guys: A crazy multiplayer game show)
#2013: Never challenge Kevin to Mii facts. (Tomodachi Life is completely cursed)
#2014: You're only special if you aren't special. (Tomodachi Life is a wild fever dream)
#2315: It does not matter what your skillset is. As long as you try, that is good enough. We all have our flaws, and that's okay! The only thing we have to do is be the best version of ourselves that we can possibly be. I know that you, the person watching right now, is doing a fantastic job at that! I'm proud of you, friends! Keep on being you! (The Survivalists but I'm terrible at surviving)
#2423: If someone you loved just died, get over it, jeez. (This game is ruined due to my bad choices)
#5624: Murder your loved ones, it can save a lot of money during the Halloween season (I became a firefighter and caused a lot of damage.)
#7896: DVD warnings saying "You wouldn't steal a car" are outdated. It's okay to steal a car if you really need it. (Far Cry 2 is a punishing experience)
#8187: Always make sure your babies are adult at birth. Way less work. Trust me. (Sims 4 but I breed the worst sims ever)
Life Lessons Edit
#8: strangling is less fun than laxatives (Bitlife but a random number generator makes every decision)
Quarantine Tips Edit
#4: Destroy all your belongings and your neighbors. (Sims 4 but I force sims into quarantine)
Death Tips Edit
#001: Eventually, everyone dies alone, but it's easier when you're already dead inside. (Imagine Lifetimes but I pick horrible choices)
Salvage Tips Edit
#1: Always point your laser at the thingy with the radioactive symbol. (This game sent me to SPACE for hard labour)
Weird Scientist Guy Life Tips Edit
#001: We always face death alone (Beyond Two Souls but I ruin the neighborhood)
Rooby Roo Rife Tips Edit
#1: Rife is retter rithout rhat reeloading Raggy. (Scooby Doo but it's a weird PS2 game)
Kevin's Fire Safety Lessons Edit
#3: Ignore burning victims. (Sims 4 but I rob my neighbors homes)
These tips appeared in Bartender VR just proved I am the worst bartender ever;
#1: Get flippin
#2: Spill stuff
#3: Say you pissed yourself
#4: Quit and never come back
#5: use big talk to engage with patrons
Workout Tips Edit
These tips appeared in Lockdown means no gym so I bought RING FIT;
#1: Start your day with 100 sets of roaning [sic].
#2: Exercise was a mistake.
#3: Kill a man.
#4: Be cool.
#5: Block out haters with giant headphones.
#6: If you have trouble fighting the other people in the gym. Cheat.
#7: Be humble. As humble as me, the most humble person to ever live.
#8: Always keep a spare chair in your bag.
Dad Tips Edit
These tips appeared in These dad mobile games are terrifying;
#1: Live in a house with zero walls.
#4: Kids are boring and demand fish.
#5: Dont [sic] let me adopt.
Business Tips Edit
These tips appeared in Sims 4 but I imprison people to knit for my store;
#1: The only good employees are free ones.
#3: If you trap someone in your store for more than 24 hours they legally work for you.
#8: All customers are just human adverts.
#9: Stockholm Syndrome
Haunted Mansion NeedsEdit
This list appeared in Irish Renovation shows were a huge mistake;
#1: Really fast Internet
#2: Stuff fixed and stuff
#3: Low rent
Kevin's Dating Guide For M'ladys Edit
This guide appeared in Sims 2 but it's a weird PSP game;
#1: Show up unannounced
#2: Sleep in their bed
#3: Watch them shower.
#4: Threaten to light them on fire
#8: Use blood magic to bring the dead back to life.
- Tips #715 and #1962 has the word "others" and "fraud" cropped due to the screen limits.
- Tips #715, #1962, #1990, and #1993 are written in a different font than the other tips.
- Tip #1550 may be a reference to all the small mistakes made in the tips (easily seen with "[sic]" on this page). This tip may also be the result of this very page, featured in the Miitopia is the perfect gaming experience video, confirming that this article is known to Kevin.
- Tip #1880's number could be a reference to the fact that the game played, West of Loathing, happens during the Far West era.
- Tip #1920's number seems to be a reference to prohibition in the United States of America, which started in 1920.
- There are two tips #1927.
- Tip #1969's number seems to be a reference to the Moon landing, which happened in 1969.
- Tip #1993 is a reference to the year Kevin was born (thus "winning the race").
- In Love Island Mobile game might be the worst dating game of all time, one of Kevin's likes is ‘giving life advice’.
- In Irish Renovation shows were a huge mistake, Kevin gives for the first time a tip out loud. Due to the fact that it doesn't end properly as it's cut, it may be a parody though. The tip is: “Always be wearing” and then a car crash is heard. Given the context of this tip, it's longer version must be “Always be wearing a hi-vis jacket” or something along those lines. This tip is also not numbered. Another voiced tip has been heard some time after this episode.